<TITLE>33. Par 118-119</TITLE>L-118  Then when I was there, laying on the bed one morning... I remember getting up on a post. I was working for a electrical company, trying, the Public Service Company of Indiana. I was working real early one morning. I was taking down some taps. I was singing, "On the hill far away stood an old rugged cross, the emblem of suffering and shame." I noticed the sun coming up, shine against the telephone pole--or the electric pole and that cross arm looked like the picture of someone hanging on the cross, wiggling out there on the hill, the shadow. I said, "Yes, it was my sins that put Him there. It was my disobedience that put Him there. He died for me." I just got so... I was... I could see my wife going, but I couldn't see that baby going. I just couldn't do it, and I said, "O God, why did You take that precious little thing from me. Here I am left alone in the world, me and the boy to wander around together." I said, "Why did You take her, Lord?" I got so worked up till I said, "Sherry, honey, daddy's coming to see you this morning." I pulled off my rubber glove. There laid twenty-three hundred running right by me; break every bone in your body. I said... Gone crazy... I pulled my glove. I said, "Sherry, daddy's coming to see you. I can't stay away from you any longer." I said, "God, I hate to be a coward, but I can't stand it; my heart's a breaking. I can't stand it." The next thing I knew I was setting on the ground. How I ever got down from there, God only knows. And I believe that if that gift hadn't been foreordained to put in there, I'd have been gone right there, 'cause I made up my mind I was going to take my life as a suicide case. I'd lost my mind. I'd gone crazy. And I got--went home. I said, "Oh..." I put my tools in the car, I said, "I'm going home, I've gone crazy."

L-119  And I went home and stayed with mama that day and that night I was going around the house and I picked up the mail. And as soon as I went there... I fast it back in a little old room there, a little old fireplace, and I mean, a little old stove setting there, a little old cot. I stayed right there at the home. It wasn't... I didn't want to go no where else. There wasn't very much there, that old furniture, but she and I lived together with it, and it was ours. It was a whole lot. That's right. It ain't the value of anything; it's the way you look at it. That's right. And I've always lived together here in...?... She loved it and kept clean. I want to stay right here with it till I die too.
And I was staying there, and I'd come in of a nighttime look around over her things, then I would lay down. That night when I come in there, looked at these letters, and the first one had on it, said "Miss Sharon Rose Branham," her little Christmas saving: eighty cents. And I looked at it; I thought, "O God..." I knelt down on the floor; I said, "O God, I can't stand it; I'm going to die." I said, "Please, forgive me. Will You always...?... me, Lord. Please have mercy on my poor, sinful soul." I said, "Don't let me be here. I've... You... I've died to myself, why am I on the earth?" I said, "I can't stand it, losing my baby and all I got." And I said, "It's just after me day and night."


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